from the stalking i learned that jeff's penis provided the mold for the hugely successful "jeff stryker cock and balls" dildo and that "the dildo was academically analyzed in a paper presented at the 1995 Bowling Green State University Conference in Cultural Studies: Lesbian Pornography and Transformation: Foucault, Bourdieu, and de Certeau Make Sense of the Jeff Stryker Dildo." what the fuck academic lesbians? i can't decide if i love their absurdity or hate it.
1. last week i walked around all day in pants with a hole in the crotch the size of my head. and holes in both back pockets. and a black shirt with pollen all over it. i could have changed, but i thought that as long as i wasn't wearing pajamas to class and didn't have pillow marks on my face that i had somehow "won."
2. i wore a gold bikini. in public. though i was drunk most of the time i was in it, i made the initial decision sober.
3. unrelated to clothing, i worked all weekend and when i wasn't working i was fucked up or hungover and i tried to combine this with a total of seven hours of sleep all weekend and homework.
4. because of #3 i ended up not turning in a trousdale assignment on time that she explicitly said could never ever be turned in late.
5. i decided that bloody marys after class were a good idea.
my life is sex jokes and stress. oddly enough, this unit in my women's studies class on feminism and porn is stressing me out. power. hmm. arg. "power constructs the appearance of reality by silencing the voices of the powerless, by excluding them from access to authoritative discourse...the beliefs of the powerful become proof, in part because the world actually arranges itself to affirm what the powerful want to believe" -catherine mackinnon
by the way, my icon is coach wendy nelson. she sang the national anthem at a braves game once. you should probably get her autograph.
barbie was a ho. but we love her so. she was having sex with g.i. joe. this was a line from the inspirational poetry of blondie, who strips at the claremont lounge and crushes cans of pbr between her breasts, who is "half-gay," hates men with big penises, and who does more drugs than keith richards and lindsey lohan combined. i love her so. for valentines day i went to the earl to hear my love's spoken word and to watch the world's oldest drag queen sing some peggy lee while making literary references to walt whitman. "oh captain my captain!" by the way, blondie also has poems about her broken pussy and her german boyfriend who used to lock her in the attic... fun times.
as good as blondie's poetry is, i'm excited about reading some amazing stuff in trousdale's class including catch-22, which i read every summer of my high school career and which i based an entire crush around my shared love of with some dorky boy. i thought is was fate that we both had the same favorite book. i no longer subscribe to this logic. i do however vacillate daily between being mildly in love with trousdale to madly in love trousdale. the difference being correlated with the particular outfit she is wearing and not necessarily our mutual love of a particular book. which leads me to believe i have somehow become more shallow... or maybe i'm just more in tuned with physical appreciation than i used to be. i wonder what it is like to have a whole classroom full of girls in love with you? well, i guess if you are a straight woman it is not all that exciting. a classroom full of girls is reminding me that i need to break this whole vow of celibacy thing asap. that shit is getting old!
"and they be lining down the block just to watch what I got " did i really end up playing "suck and blow" with a bunch of straight girls in the middle of the bar on thursday? i attempted to get the details of the evening from others who were there to know whether i should avoid eye contact with anyone, but turns out everyone else was too drunk to remember either. i hate not knowing if i should be embarrassed or not. i generally just assume i should be. straight girls were definitely the theme of the weekend...
in much better news, one of my best friends just got accepted into stanford!!!!!! he deserves this so much. i may or may not move out there with him next fall (what else am i really doing?) and then we would only be thirty minutes away from san fransisco! i don't know if i'm impulsive enough for that kind of move though.
hmm so as much as i'm convinced i should pay people to go on all my dates for me because i FUCK them up so bad, i keep getting to go on more... so i guess i'm doing something right... but really i think this chick just has more patience than anyone really should. i mean could anyone be more awkward than me??? nope.
and could anyone be more bad at school even though they are a super nerd and really love school??nope.
i feel like trying is something i should stop doing.
so sad i can no longer post ABUSIVE material. i was wondering how long that would take...
class schedule for next year: german 202- intermediate german eng 355 - postmodern fiction ws 310 - feminism and sexuality art 380 - contemporary art and theory ped 101 - women's health and fitness
if i din't need german and pe to graduate my schedule would be like my wet dream. speaking of wet dreams, i am convinced that dr. smith has a crush on me. trust me, she wants this jelly.
i've been on such a rilo kiley kick lately. i try to put other things in the cd player, but it just makes my miss rilo kiley more. well except ani's new album. i haven't liked anything ani has done in years, or maybe i just haven't given it a chance, but i've immediately fallen in love with "reprieve." it's so sad and slow and moving and beautiful. it reminds me of new orleans. well probably because it was recorded there and all. new orleans still makes me sad but only for selfish reasons really. i'm from louisiana and i've always wanted to move back. something about the music and the intoxicants and the literary scene and the swamps and the heat and the blues and history and lazy hazy days feels at home to me. i thought if i didn't move there for college i would eventually live there. i meant to write this a million years ago and didn't, but now i'm re-inspired to be sad and upset about all this chaos. obviously loss of a future home is not at all on the scale of the loss of a current one.
what a difference a gay makes! so i'm stressing about all the paper writing i must do when a miracle happened! jina and i went to gay class (our 410 "contemporary queer cinema" which we made up and pretend is a real class and get eng lit credit for)and dr. tolliver was in an insane mood. he was being so amazingly ridiculous! we were talking about forest whitaker in the crying game, and tolliver blurts out that his biggest problem with the film was that forest wasn't pretty enough. well who should have played the part of the soldier and dead love interest we asked... and he said it should be THIS GUY-
this creepy ass guy from the 80's pop group the fine young cannibals! how did tolliver even come up with this guy? i don't even think he is an actor. my what odd taste tolliver has. and what a dumbass reason to hate the best movie of all time!
oh yeah, the miracle. tolliver was asking why we assigned ourselves so many papers for this class when it was self-designed. jina said "i thought we had to" and tolliver looked at us like we were crazy and basically told us that in a 410 you can do what ever you want. fuck yeah! so jina and i decided not to write any papers and instead are going to make the gayest movie of all time. my onscreen persona is going to be based on the "men on film" guys. i need scarf like whoa.
she read me just like a book, and she didn't miss a page hmm so how can i go from anxiety-ridden and melodramatically freaking out about everything to falling in love with everything i see? i dunno but i'm not even on birth control so it must just be my own insanity that is at work here. things i am in love with today:
- seeing kathy griffen live this friday!!!i want to be her new gay for real
-the lovely lady (ho)who is accompanying me to this event
- IMAX/ wetbar dirty dancing with hot girl
- today's lunch, spaghetti, home fries, mozzarella sand which. what's a girl to do?
- dr. cozzens and dr. dermont who raised my self-esteem about my paper after dr. trousdale smashed it to bits
- art gallery openings that include ahopeforgoldensummer and hot cello players
- daniel day lewis. well duh he's amazing
- my mom because she's so gonna meet project runway's michael knight this evening (well i love for more reasons than this)
speaking of project runway...
damn girl will you marry me? no, seriously be with me FOREVER
and jeffrey, please please tell me you did NOT cheat because you are my favorite i'm totally rooting for you and you make the only clothes i would ever wear (besides allison's of course)
and uli will you be my bff? and get drunk on the beach with me like everynight. ja? ich liebe dich!
and laura you are old. lace is lame. but you are funny so i'll deal
i feel like this is the first time in the history of my life that a cute (sober) women has asked for my number at a bar and actually called me the next day. i thought things like this only happened in the magical world of the l-word. i can't help but be just a little bit flattered and excited by this.
people can fill this out by making a comment if they want.
1. Your Full Name: 2. Favorite Movie: 3. Favorite Song: 4. Favorite Artist: 5. Do we know each other outside of LJ? 6. What is your philosophy on life? 7. Would you have my back in a fight? 8. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 9. What is your favorite memory of us? 10. Would you give me a kidney? 11. Tell me one odd / interesting fact about you: 12. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? 13. Can we get together and make a cake? 14. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? 15. Do you think I'm a good person? 16. Do you think I'm attractive? 17. If you could change anything about me, would you? 18. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?
the vh1 behind the music of new edition is the most amazing thing i've ever seen. made even better by the fact that encased within is a mini-behind the music whitney and bobby. back to homework. well back to new edition anyway.
also, i can finally admit my complete and total love for rod stewart without having to bury it deep down inside under shame and embarrassment. yes, i now own a rod stewart album and i've been listening to it really loud non-stop.
also, hollywood video is selling all their video cassettes for only $3 in an attempt to phase out the whole antiquated video thing. whatever i bought 10 movies today! i started to notice that EVER single movie i picked up had a gay theme, actor, or director. things i attempted to purchase (some of the movies or mvp and cannot be sold)
*fried green tomatoes *high art *all about my mother *bad education *fox fire *pecker *the adventurers of sebastian cole *kids in the hall brain candy *chasing amy
i'm working every single night of pride. this is uncool, man. uncool. so everyone will already be wasted as hell by the time i get out of work (which will be midnight at the earliest) so wait for me attractiove drunk ladies, wait.